Pregnant

Nope not me but I caught your attention didn't I? LOL! I have had a little baby on the brain lately though. It is amazing how many people I know that are pregnant or just had a baby!! And Makayla has been even more super clingy to me than usual (if that is possible) and I would be fibbing if I hadn't thought about the possibility of another little one running around the house. But then the flashbacks of my pregnancy hit me like a brick and how absolutely horrible it was for me. How sick I was. The 85ish pounds I gained. The gestational diabetes and the shots several times a day. Being at the hospital 2-3 times a week for the last 2+ months for non stress tests. And there are the thoughts about daycare expenses. Two kids in daycare would cost me more than my house payment. And I have a sizable house payment. The diaper expenses and paying for formula again. OMG! Not happening for a little while. Get my peanut in kindergarten (can't even picture her in school but time is going super fast) and then I will give it a shot.
I think with turning 30 this year I am starting to have a mid midlife crisis. I am not running out and buying cars or motorcycles or going to the bar every night pretending I am 21 again but I am questioning all of my important life decisions and re-evaluating things that are important to me. And I seem to be in this hurry to get all of it figured out. It's as if I all of sudden grew up. But I moved out on my own when I was 18 and have had my own bills for a long time now. I have been married for awhile and Makayla is 2 so it's not like anything major just happened to make me feel like this. I litterally can't shut my brain off. I am always thinking about a ton of stuff going on in my life right now. Why is turning 30 such a big deal? Five years ago I gave my husband a hard time about turning 30 and I just kept saying it's just a number. It's not a big deal, your not old or anything. But he really struggled with it and now that I am starting to struggle with it I feel like I was super unsupportive to him.
I never really had a life plan like some people do but I feel like I have done a lot of the things that are important to me like finding my soul mate and starting my own family. This year more than ever I have also committed myself to my favorite charity more than I have ever in the past. In doing so I have met some amazing people.  Jason is also making one of my dreams come true the week of my birthday and he is taking me to NYC. I already knew this would be a big year for me because of the big birthday but this may be a life changing year for me. We will see how it all plays out but I see lots more in my future.............stay tuned.