"Theresa, I'm looking to find my place in the world as well. Sometimes I feel so lost. I know you read all my posts about being busy, exhausted, and overwhelmed. The truth is I have a wonderful loving husband who would do anything for me, and I am so lucky and blessed that he is able to be home with me every night especially with being married to the ARMY. I have two perfect dogs that I can't imagine my life without. They fill my life with pure sunshine. I have an amazing job that I'm still not sure how I landed, and even though sometimes I gripe about not being home and dealing with all the stress I still love it. but.... I still feel like something is missing. I want to know what the joy of parenting feels like. I want to have a little person depend on me for anything, for everything. Could you please write about your joys as a mother? Or please give any tips on starting a family? Being so far from home, I fear that it will be difficult without the support of our loving family...... "
I feel honored and privileged that you would ask me about this! But I will be honest, I know nothing about starting a family. LOL! I mean yes we had Makayla which started our little family but we really never decided to have a baby. We just decided to not do anything to prevent it. Our thought process was that we wouldn't try but we wouldn't prevent it and one day it would just happen. We both believe everything happens for a reason and when the time was right for us it would just happen. Even that didn't go as planned. I hadn't been off birth control for more than 3 months and I switched jobs. Jason was back in school and just had braces put on to try to correct some things he had been putting off for years. I was actually driving home from my new job one evening and talking on the phone to one of my best friends. She told me she was pregnant and I just felt this whirlwind of emotions come over me. I was very happy for her but I was also extremely mad, then I got really sad and started crying, and then I just started laughing. I drove straight to Wal-Mart and bought a pregnancy test. That could be the only reason I could think that would cause such a mental breakdown. And sure enough, I was pregnant too. (Now if you ask Jason, he thinks it was a conspiracy theory between my friend and I but really it just happened.) We didn't put the pressure on ourselves to try to make it happen.
I remember thinking when Jason walked in the door with his back pack and braces and knowing I had only been on my new job for a month that this might be really bad timing. But when is it really the "right" time to have a baby. They are expensive and they consume every part of you. But Makayla is the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. There is no feeling like being a mom. And I thought I kinda sorta realized that when I was pregnant but from the minute she was born until today I can't get over how much love I have for her and how much one little person could depend on me. This morning she woke up at 4 a.m. and was wide awake, happy, and ready to start her day. I was less than thrilled that I was up at 4 a.m. but she reached up for me and I picked her up out of bed and she kissed my right cheek, then my left, and then my lips (yes, I think my child is french because I have no idea where she learned to kiss me on the cheeks like that and she only does it to me.). How can you be mad after that?
When you and your husband decide that kids are in your future maybe just decide to stop preventing it and let nature do the rest. I am not perfect by any means and I am still learning this mom thing. But Makayla is a good teacher and one day when the next one comes along (not for awhile) I will most likely have to learn it all over again. Each child is so different. You just do the best you possibly can and learn from your mistakes. I will always be here for you even though I am super far away and so will the rest of your family. You should never worry about that. As far as joys of motherhood, I could go on and on forever and ever. And I will for sure be posting stories from time to time. You want to see what motherhood is like for me? Look at my Facebook page photos! LOL!! There are a million of Makayla and almost all Makayla. I love to capture every moment as will you one day. I have no doubt about that!
My pride and joy, Makayla Marie Emch born 4/8/10 8lbs 10 oz 20 in long
thank you so much for sharing your story! I never knew that you hadn't planned her. To tell you the truth I have been nervous about having a baby for a long time, but finally I feel mentally prepared enough that I started talking to my husband about it. I know its not going to be easy, and I know its never going to be the "right" time. I now find myself reading parenting magazing or fit pregnancy when I'm in the waiting room at the doctors office instead of some stupid tabloid or gossip magazine. My priorities have definatley changed dramatically. I am planning on going off of birth control in early april. I don't know how long it will take us to get pregnant but I'm going to adapt your philosophy... just to let nature run its course.
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